Before I got married, I was working. That occupied me nearly the whole day but still I was mistress of my own life and of my own time.My job was not without problems, tensions and frequent storms and gales. It didn't pay me riches and tired me out completely and yet I could find time to do all those things which I absolutely love doing. I wasn't rich yet my salary was sufficient not just to meet my needs but to keep me perfectly happy and satisfied, so much so that I twice declined promotion opportunities as I didn't wish to barter my precious time with a bigger salary package.
It seems incredible now how house-wifing is changing my life. I have a loving, caring husband and a cute little toddler. I am financially comfortably well off and don't work. I am a house wife..a stay at home mom and just that. House wife is just a decent synonym for an unpaid, unappreciated but indispensable, full time servant.
Not being any exception to this, my family life keeps me busy round the clock. I am all the time either cooking or washing dishes, laundering, cleaning or feeding and cleaning or attending to my child. I strive to steal a few moments just for myself and my interests but that is possible only when S is out, H is asleep and I do not have any other task of imminent importance. I love sleeping but again I can only sleep when S is out and H is asleep. I love reading books but neither there's time nor S and H would let me do that if I had any. S begins feeling lonely and H thinking its a new thing to play with, starts snatching the book. The last book I had read was two and a half year ago when H was not yet born.I love writing but this is coming to a stop too. The moment I pick up my pen, writing book or laptop some house chores or S or H start demanding my presence and I have to tuck away my thoughts or tasks for a more convenient time - which comes after several weeks or months ! My personal and physical grooming has been worst hit. Currently, a year has elapsed since I got a hair cut and my eye brows trimmed; this sounds almost unearthly !!!
I stay at home the entire day doing house chores, go out for grocery shopping every week and sometimes visit Ss friends or colleagues and of course my language school and this is another irony. Before marriage, I had my colleagues and sundry friends to talk to. Post marriage, I have nobody. S keeps busy in watching matches and films and delights in talking only with his friends and I don't consider his colleagues's wives as my friends. In any case, I never was one to make a swarm of friends; I had always enjoyed following my hobbies and interests much more than anything but now unfortunately I can't even do that.
I am inclined to think, this is the worst and most thankless job in the world. A house wife works interminably from morning to night and her man wonders what could she possibly have done to make her this tired. He as well as all the family members think its something funny to throw rubbish, empty chips packets on the carpet and slide empty tea cup below the sofa which your baby picks up and breaks or smears its dirty residue on the freshly vacuumed carpet. Leaving wet towels on living room sofa, dirty shoes in the bedroom are just 2-3 instances out of at least a million. I remember, once S had left wet towels on bed before going off on a month long vacation. Well, the bed cover, mattress and pillows were horribly destroyed by black stinking, fluffy mould. Just a few days back, he allowed H to play with wax candles while he was immersed in watching cricket match right beside him. H happily crumbled the wax and made a fine powder of it, then started rolling himself on it This covered his hair, face, nails, clothes, sweater and socks with wax; where ever he sat even for a moment transferred it and it even got firmly stuck on the wooden flooring throughout the house. You can't even imagine what hell I went through in cleaning this sticky and powdery wax from all of these places. I immediately had to put H in a bath and shampoo, take off dirty bed covers, pillow covers and H's clothes in the machine, put on new covers, and clean the floor but the wax had so badly stuck that I had to scrape it off using a kitchen knife on my all fours. Taking away the candles from H would have taken only half a minute - it took me 3 hours to clean the mess !
This housewifing stuff is taking a huge toll from me inside and out. The endless cooking and cleaning and other chores from morning till midnight exhausts me leaving no time and stamina for exercise. My physical personality is fast changing from a smart, trim and prim, attractive girl to the dangerous specie of behanji, bhabhiji type who have ceased growing mentally but rapidly grow physically, who are great kitchen dragons, eternally cooking and washing, for whom buying tomatoes for curry is more important than lipstick and eye liner, for whom receiving a new serving spoon or floor brush as gift is more thrilling than a new bracelet or a skirt, whose sole feat lies in producing perfect dinners and sparkling wash room mirrors, who guard their fabric stain removing secrets more possessively than their email passwords....
Oh I can go on and on with bated breath. I am afraid to look in a mirror and absolutely hate myself for meticulously remembering what to buy this weekend in grocery store. I am scared, having forced to use only 2 percent of my intelligence will rust down my brains like an unused knife. Wait a minute, I think, I am already smelling rust in there...
Oh well, I love my family well enough but being a house wife is a bit too costly and is becoming costlier still since I gave birth to H. The demands on my time have increased so much that I can't help feeling frustrated and miserable. I can work hard and live without a lot of luxury and comfort but I can't live without my interests and pursuits.Give me a book, a writing pad, a pen, an internet and I am the happiest person on earth.
Well, didn't I say '' A Scholar at Heart'' ?
S's mother was a long suffering house wife. She had worked harder and endured unimaginable eccentricities of her husband more than any can imagine. When her daughters and relatives criticised her for suffering almost without complaint and happily, she replied,'' Oh well, after all, people who work in offices have to endure their boss. I am after all enduring only my husband. What's wrong if I consider him as my boss and my home as my office? Isn't it the same thing ?''
A great reply no doubt but one I would never want to follow....!
